Breakdown: Johnny Football Allegations

Here’s a breakdown of the allegations made in the lawsuit against Johnny Manziel, and what they tell us about his football prospects:

 

ON Christmas Eve, 2013, Johnny Manziel sent me a Instagram photo of himself naked to me Facebook with Manziel putting a hotdog bun between his penis, smiling, calling me “Ho, Ho, Ho”

I’ll bet he got the inspiration from the “Now I have a machine gun, Ho Ho Ho” scene from Die Hard. Shows good film study.

Called me up and told me he wanted a threesome with Dr. Drew.

Not afraid to involve a doctor in his off field activities. Shows a commitment to keeping healthy.

During last year’s Nathan Hotdog Eating Contest, Manziel sent me a naked photo of him with a ruler next to his erect penis that measure 4.5 inches, while holding up a sign “You know you want me, Samantha.”

It takes a lot of dexterity to hold a ruler next to his erect penis, hold up a sign, AND snap a picture.

Asking me to strip for him at his boy, Lebron James’ crip in Miami

Possible gang ties? Red flag. Could be another DeSean Jackson situaish.

Told me he does steroids and lifts weights, and if another man ever talks to me, he would beat them up and get away with it because he’s famous.

Solid commitment to weight training. Also proves he’s willing to go for the knockout shot should the opportunity present itself.

Called me up drunk Halloween of 2013 and confessed to me he cheated on his college exams.

Not above bending the rules to gain a tactical advantage.

Told me if I don’t want him because his penis is small, when he gets drafted by the NFL he will get a penis enlargement and he’ll be my Long John Silvers.

Willingness to audible if the situation calls for it. Long John Silvers to be the next Omaha?

Manziel would Skype me before Texas A&M Football games in 2013, smoking marijuana in college locker rooms

Knows how to get loose on game day. Not likely to suffer performance issues due to nerves.

Told me Texas A&M provides him with lavish gifts circumventing NCAA rules

Possible snitch. Don’t be discussing any bounty programs in his vicinity.

He said if I will be his girlfriend, he will buy me Victoria Secret Lingerie and Adam & Eve sex toys with secret money Kevin Sumlin provides him.

Knows how to keep a happy home life. Won’t have a Russell Wilson divorce-type distraction.

Told me he wants me to be his linda Lovelace on Deep THroat.

Won’t shy away from deploying the deep ball.

Refers to his penis as his Vienna Sausage and told me good things come from small packages.

Familiarity with foreign culture. Could be a draw on a team based in London or elsewhere overseas.

Johny Manziel said he Skyes with Judereon Clowney in South Carolina, and Clowney sent Manziel a Pic of his penis which was 9 inches, and Manziel showed it to me on Skype and asked me if I could handle that monster.

This is the most important revelation in this document. Performs early film work of analyzing all the details of his opponents. Also willing to look outside the box for an OL that can handle the toughest penetrators.

Asked Manziel to stop calling me, but he won’t stop.

Dedication. Tenacity. Not a quitter.

Keeps prank calling me with some 1990’s song ‘Don’t Want No Short Man, Eenie, Weenie Little Shrivel Short, Short Man’ which is disgusting.

Might want to keep him away from the pregame music in the locker room.

Told me he embraces the fact that he has a small penis and Manziel said to me on the phone he watched kinky fetish small penis porn on Redtube after Texas A&M Football games.

Will take responsibility for his shortcomings. Also shows a willingness to hit the film room immediately after the previous game is over, to relax and prepare for his next assignment.

Told me he wouldn’t mind showing with Jason Collins.

Willingness to  be open and accept teammates that are gay.

Sent me a homemade video of himself at Walt Disney World on “It’s a Small World” ride in the Magic Kingdom, and while the song is on, he puts the camera down unbuttons his pants, pulls his penis out and jingles his penis to the music. ESPN owns Disney and ESPN promotes Manziel, knowing he did this in “It’s a Small World.”

Wait a minute. Eli? Is that you? Why did you file this lawsuit? I’m gonna get Archie on the phone.

CW 2014 Fall Schedule

My thoughts on the schedule the CW released for the next broadcast season. New shows in bold:

 

MONDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Originals

The successful (by CW standards, anyway) spin-off of the channel’s flagship franchise is off to Monday night in the hopes of launching one of the CW’s few new fall shows.

9-10 p.m. — Jane the Virgin

A telenovela adapted to English about a virgin who has been accidentally artificially inseminated. Three things: 1) WAT? 2) This does not seem like the kind of show that has an audience overlap with a vampire-based family drama. 3) The CW is classifying this as a comedy (like Hart of Dixie), so maybe it’ll be just bonkers enough to work.

 

TUESDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Flash

Normally you’d think the CW would use one of its older shows (or even Arrow) to lead into and help build the audience for The Flash, but instead the CW is using the knowledge it has gained from the other network’s upfronts. It is smart to take advantage of ABC moving SHIELD to 9 pm to schedule your own superhero drama in a timeslot with less obvious audience overlap.

9-10 p.m. — Supernatural

This season will be Supernatural’s tenth, and will cross the 200 episode mark. That is quite the accomplishment.

 

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. — Arrow

Arrow remains in the same timeslot, and also remains as the leader of the second half of the CW’s primary identity (vampires and superheros).

9-10 p.m. — The 100

The only remaining show the CW premiered last year returns in the same place.

 

THURSDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Vampire Diaries

Actually, the CW’s pairing on this night might make even less sense than The Originals and Jane the Virgin. Either way, I’m predicting TVD will continue to be the CW’s top rated show for yet another season.

9-10 p.m. — Reign

I’m actually p shocked that the CW didn’t try again to launch a new show here. Specifically iZOMBIE. Man, I will watch the HELL out of that show.

 

FRIDAY

8-8:30 p.m. — Whose Line is it Anyway?

This has been a very successful reboot for the CW.

8:30-9 p.m. — Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat)

Leave it to the CW to schedule a repeat into it’s Fall programming lineup.

9-10 p.m. — America’s Next Top Model

This is the 21st(!!!) cycle for this show. If it goes any longer, they’ll have to institute an NCAA football like Top 25 poll to determine who the real top model. And then someone will eventually demand a playoff format. AMERICA!

CBS 2014 Fall Schedule

My thoughts on the schedule CBS released for the next broadcast season. New shows in bold:

 

SUNDAY

7-8 p.m. — 60 Minutes

60 minutes will be seen in its entirety immediately following this game except on the west coast, where it will be seen at its normally scheduled time.

8-9 p.m. — Madam Secretary

CBS’s only new drama that is not a crime procedural, Madam Secretary is about Tea Leoni being appointed the Secretary of State where she proceeds to get shit done. Just watch the trailer. It is pretty much just a clip show of the best 25% of the pilot. This feels like a show that is a good pairing with The Good Wife, so maybe CBS is hoping it can eventually take it’s place at nine.

9-10 p.m. — The Good Wife

CBS has used Sundays as a good excuse to keep The Good Wife, its lowest rated and most critically acclaimed drama, around because it will take the least damage in the ratings department by having its start time jerked around by football overrun. I’m confident this show will stick around in this time period until CBS is done with it.

10-11 p.m. — CSI / CSI: Cyber (midseason)

CSI joins the ranks of aging procedurals that are dumped into this timeslot (joining CSI: Miami and The Mentalist) before they head off to the syndication stations in the sky. Like  The Good Wife, this is also a show that won’t be hurt too much by the overruns, as its older skewing audience isn’t a big DVR crowd. It will also benefit from having to air fewer reruns, due to the hilariously goofy named CSI: Cyber (aka the AOL CD of the CSI franchise) being able to fill time at midseason.

 

MONDAY

8-8:30 p.m. — The Big Bang Theory / 2 Broke Girls (after football)

With the newly acquired Thursday Night Football package taking up all of CBS’s Thursday real estate for eight weeks, The Big Bang Theory had to move to Mondays for awhile. When it goes back to its regular timeslot on Thursdays;  2 Broke Girls will then step in to take its place. Having BBT kick off the season should do wonders for Mom’s and Scorpion’s ratings later in the night.

8:30-9 p.m. — Mom

To step back and look at the big picture for a minute, CBS has aired two hours of comedies on Mondays just about as long as I’ve been alive. Recently, though, they’ve been having trouble finding success for their four hours of comedies (the other two hours on Thursdays) mainly due to the ends of HIMYM and 2.5 Men and the inability to find a new hit, as 2 Broke Girls never quite materialized into what they wanted. I thought for sure the hour they were going to eliminate was going to be the second one on Thursdays, as football would allow them to consolidate their best shows into Monday. However, that changed when NBC (The Blacklist) and ABC (Scandal) came in guns ablazin’ and putting their best shows Thursdays at nine, which would render any plans to premiere a new CBS drama at that time hopeless. So instead we get the second Monday hour cut. Should be interesting to see how this shakes out after BBT goes back to Thursdays.

9-10 p.m. — Scorpion

A new crime procedural about a billionaire and his team of smarties pant fighting crime. The pilot was directed by Justin Lin of Fast and Furious fame and Katharine McPhee is also involved, so you know I’ll be tuning in.

10-11 p.m. — NCIS: Los Angeles

CBS has tapped NCIS: LA to plug the giant hole this timeslot has been recently (looking at you, Hostages and Intelligence).

 

TUESDAY

8-9 p.m. — NCIS

Did you know that 11 of CBS’s 18 hours of post-football Sun-Fri programming are filled with crime procedurals? That seems like a lot.

9-10 p.m. — NCIS: New Orleans

After ABC announced their Shonda Rhimes triple header, CBS counters with three NCIS’s of their own. And yes ladies, Scott Bakula is indeed shirtless in bed in the trailer CBS released.

10-11 p.m. — Person of Interest

PoI has filled in admirably in a timeslot that used to give CBS fits, so it returns here. I’m like a season and a half behind, so I have no idea if the quality has kept up.

 

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. — Survivor

Rising up, straight to the top / Had the guts, got the glory / Went the distance, now I’m not going to stop / Just a show and its will to survive.

9-10 p.m. — Criminal Minds

One day a giant asteroid will smash into the Earth and we’ll all be dead. And Criminal Minds will still be airing at 9, 8 central on CBS Wednesdays.

10-11 p.m. — Stalker

Kevin Williamson (of The Following fame) helms this Dylan McDermott and Maggie Q vehicle about a Stalker prevention force. The trailer is kinda unsettling, tbqh. I’m not sure I will be able to tune in to this two-hour “women in peril” block. Too serious a topic to crack wise about.

 

THURSDAY (thru Oct 23rd)

8-9 p.m. — Thursday Night Football

Because we all need Phil Simms and Jim Nantz in primetime.

 

THURSDAY (starting Oct 30th)

8-8:30 p.m. — The Big Bang Theory

I was perversely hoping this might be pushed to nine to face off with The Blacklist and Scandal, but no such luck.

8:30-9 p.m. — The Millers

I’m kinda surprised The Millers gets to stay here, given how disappointing CBS seemed to be with its retention of BBT’s audience.

9-9:30 p.m. — Two and a Half Men

This will be 2.5 Men’s final season. And it gets to play out its string against Scandal. Such a nice going away present.

9:30-10 p.m. — The McCarthys

CBS appears to be hanging out it’s only new fall comedy out to dry airing it opposite the Blacklist and Scandal and after 2.5 Men. I was not impressed by the show’s trailer, given the fact that it’s a Boston family and there’s a laugh track.

10-11 p.m. — Elementary

CBS is hoping Elementary’s ratings improve without Scandal in this slot. While this show is not as good as BBC America’s Sherlock,  it is the best criminal procedural on broadcast, tbqh. I’m glad CBS is giving it another chance to break out.

 

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Amazing Race

This is CBS’s bid to attract a few of the YOUTHS to their Friday lineup. Also relevant for Amazing Race fans: no more sports overrun related delays.

9-10 p.m. — Blue Bloods

Televisions most rockin’ ‘stache is back for another year.

10-11 p.m. — Hawaii Five-0

I am still jolted awake whenever I hear the H5-0 theme song. Thanks, college!

 

SATURDAY

8-9 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

Like most of the other networks, CBS doesn’t try on this day anymore. Here be a repeat.

9-10 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

And another. Given the decent amount of DVR use, I’m a little bit surprised something wacky hasn’t been tried here.

10-11 p.m. 48 Hours

I’ll use this space to point out that CBS did not pick up How I Met Your Dad, which I’m choosing to believe had to do with the backlash against the HIMYM finale.

ABC 2014 Fall Schedule

My thoughts on the schedule ABC released for the next broadcast season. New shows in bold:

 

SUNDAY

7-8 p.m. — America’s Funniest Home Videos

Is the top prize still $10,000? That doesn’t seem like all that much anymore.

8-9 p.m. — Once Upon A Time / Galavant (midseason)

OUAT never really took off the way ABC wanted, but it has been a steady performer. There is also something to be said for ABC keeping their Sunday night lineup more or less consistent, as it is far from their biggest problem night. Replacing OUAT at midseason is Galavant, a musical about a night. I can’t decide if this is just a foolish lark, or if it is preposterous enough to actually work. I won’t watch, but I will be fascinated to see how it is received.

9-10 p.m. — Resurrection

The ratings tailed off after its giant premiere, but to be fair, Resurrection has been a bit higher rated than Revenge this past year.

10-11 p.m. — Revenge

This upcoming season will be Revenge’s 4th, and I don’t see it sticking around after it hits the magic 88 episode syndication mark, which will occur during this season’s finale.

 

MONDAY

8-10 p.m. — Dancing with the Stars

Dancing leads off another status quo night for ABC.

10-11 p.m. — Castle

Castle has been around long enough where most of the audience would follow it if it were to move to a more fitting day and time, but ABC seems happy to take chances elsewhere. I, for one, will never get enough Nathan Fillion chewing the scenery.

 

TUESDAY

8-8:30 p.m. — Selfie

ABC starts off its bid for Worst Comedy Block of the Century with Selfie. Watching the trailer, I felt so sorry for Karen Gillan. She deserves so much better than this. Not allowing her to use her natural British accent hurts my soul. I would say hands down that it’s the worst comedy trailer I’ve seen in years if it weren’t for …

8:30-9 p.m. — Manhattan Love Story

… Manhattan Love Story!! I’m not sure if  this hour of ABC scheduling was designed to go after the New Girl/Mindy Project audience or if these two comedies are just here to be burned off before they are replace with something else. Theoretically it could work, as the time slot competition is two reality shows and NCIS, but these two shows don’t show a lot of promise.

9-10 p.m. — Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. / Marvel’s Agent Carter (midseason)

The ABC/Disney cross-promotion power hour is back for another go-round, an hour later this time. It’s a smart move by ABC to shift these shows an hour later this season, so that they’ll air against whatever (slightly) weaker NCIS spin-off CBS airs this hour.

10-11 p.m. — Forever

This is your typical looking run-of-the-mill police procedural, with the twist being the medical examiner is immortal. So basically Castle mixed with like Elementary and Sleepy Hollow. If I’m in the market for a new procedural, maybe I’ll give it a look, but this has been a problem slot for ABC, and Forever doesn’t strike me as a show that’ll break out of that rut.

 

WEDNESDAY

8-8:30 p.m. — The Middle

The Middle is tabbed as the lead of Wednesday’s block of family comedies for another season.

8:30-9 p.m. — The Goldbergs

Out of all the new comedies ABC has premiered in the recent past, The Goldbergs looks likely to be the heir apparent to The Middle’s throne in the next year or so.

9-9:30 p.m. — Modern Family

Out of  the half-dozen or so shows ABC has tried to slot in after Modern Family, the only one still on the air is Cougar Town, and that airs on TBS. You’d think with the monster ratings that Modern Family brings in, you’d accidentally luck your way into another hit. Oh wait, they did. Two years ago they had Suburgatory and Happy Endings join The Middle and Modern Family in this block, and they all performed solidly. And what did ABC do? Dismantle it for no good reason. I’m not bitter at all or anything, why do you ask?

9-10 p.m. — Black-ish

Black-ish is Anthony Anderson’s new show about an upper class black family, which is actually a pretty interesting concept for a comedy. It also seems to fit the mold of a show that you’d think would be successful after Modern Family. Tangentially Anthony Anderson related Fun Fact: I paid to see Kangaroo Jack in the theaters. Twice.

10-11 p.m. — Nashville

While never a strong performer, ABC can’t fill all of its problem areas in one year, so Nashville is back again to fill an hour’s space of programming time.

 

THURSDAY

8-9 p.m. — Grey’s Anatomy

ABC starts off Shondaday by moving Grey’s an hour earlier where it can live out the rest of its years as one of ABC’s hits.

9-10 p.m. — Scandal

What’s fascinating about this is that ABC and NBC are both sending what are unquestionably their highest rated dramas directly at one another at midseason! FIGHT-FIGHT-FIGHT-FIGHT! That first week in February when The Blacklist airs coming off its post-Super Bowl spot versus the midseason premiere of Scandal is going to be FASCINATING. I can’t wait to see how this plays out. I’m also curious as to how the graphic violence and constant sexy-sex of Scandal do in the nine o’clock hour. In closing, if any of you watch Scandal (or are catching up on Netflix (and you ALL should be watching)) and want to talk about it at any hour of any day, hit me up. I’d be more than happy to indulge you. I can tell you, from personal experience, that if you don’t get your Scandal thoughts off your chest, they all just come bursting out one Friday night when you’re on a date. Spoiler Alert: The evening did not end well for me. P.S. Quinn is just the absolute WORST, amiright?

9-10 p.m. — How to Get Away with Murder

The new Shonda Rhimes show. This looks to be a legal procedural, but you can tell from the trailer that it has the potential to just be as preposterously bonkers as Scandal. I CAN’T WAIT.

 

FRIDAY

8-8:30 p.m. — Last Man Standing

Tim Allen continues to start Fridays off for ABC, and it seems like it will likely continue on this way for years to come.

8:30-9 p.m. — Cristela

Another multi-camera, laugh track sitcom. Seems like a more natural pairing than the last couple comedies ABC has tried to pair with Last Man.

9-10 p.m. — Shark Tank

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBES.

10-11 p.m. — 20/20

I dunno. This show premiered in 1978. P sure everyone knows what it is at this point.

 

SATURDAY

8-11 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

Because if you don’t have football on your schedule, you might as well be the CW.

FOX 2014 Fall Schedule

My thoughts on the schedule FOX released for the next broadcast season. New shows in bold:

 

SUNDAY

7-7:30 p.m. — Football Overrun / The OT

FOX is in a better situation than CBS to deal with football overruns, as The OT can air for five or 50 minutes as needed. A big help to not delay the rest of your Sunday night lineup, which always angers the DVR viewers.

7:30-8 p.m. — Bob’s Burgers

FOX’s best animated comedy. They better not be moving it here as a preemptive step towards cancellation.

8-8:30 p.m. — The Simpsons

This show started when I started first grade. I have now graduated college and held a job for nearly a decade. The Simpsons is never going to die. Get used to it.

8:30-9 p.m. — Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I like this move. It doesn’t really have a natural fit during the week, so putting it here makes sense. It is also the first non-animated Sunday comedy I care about since Arrested Development.

9-9:30 p.m. — Family Guy

Still FOX’s highest rated comedy.

9:30-10 p.m. — Mulaney

I really like John Mulaney and think he’s an exceptionally funny dude. This show also clearly wants to be Seinfeld 2.0. FOX must really love it, to give it the post-Family Guy spot and bump up the episode order from 6 to 16. But for me a multi-camera show with a laugh track (or studio audience laughter) is a non-starter for me.

 

MONDAY

8-9 p.m. — Gotham

People sure seem excited about this show! I am not one of them, however. I think there’s going to be a lot of issues trying to shoehorn these characters into a place where they can’t exist yet, and somehow maintain continuity and cannon (Smallville had a lot of these same problems, too). Hell, the CW was even pitched a show called Bruce Wayne that they passed on before greenlighting Smallville. Gotham will also likely have to keep Bruce Wayne out of his Batman suit until the series finale. Color me skeptical.

9-10 p.m. — Sleepy Hollow

I originally tuned into Sleepy Hollow last year because it looked to be by far the most bonkers idea on the network fall schedule. Much to my pleasure, it was indeed as crazytown bananapants as I wanted/needed. By keeping it light and not ever taking itself too seriously, it turned out to be a very enjoyed run. Whether or not the magic can continue over an 18 episode season instead of a 13 episode one, will be the big question.

 

TUESDAY

8-9 p.m. — Utopia

FOX’s new reality show where a bunch of dudes and ladies are isolated from the world and tasked to build the “perfect society.” This is what FOX is gambling on to replace the disaster that was The X Factor last season. And it is a HUGE risk. FOX is premiering it over a month ahead of the start of the traditional broadcast season to drum up interest. I love awful reality shows as much as the next guy (ok, MORE than the next guy) but this doesn’t strike me as something I’d tune into regularly. If we start talking about Kid Nation 2, however…

9-9:30 p.m. — New Girl

Boy did New Girl plummet in the ratings this season. I’m like a season and a half behind, so I can’t speak to the quality, but yikes. It was never really in danger of being outright canceled, since this upcoming 4th season is needed to hit the 88 episode magic number for syndication. But as for it’s future after this year? Murkier than ever.

9:30-10 p.m. — Mindy Project

The studio behind Mindy Project had to have cut one HELL of a lucrative deal to get this back for a 3rd season (and is essentially a shoo-in for a 4th because, again, SYNDICATION). This is probably gonna be a tough pill for FOX to swallow. It’ll be fun to see if there is a ratings point so low where FOX will say “Fuck it!” and just burn it off in the summer.

 

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. — Hell’s Kitchen

FOX’s workhorse, Gordon Ramsey, returns in the Fall this year. Honestly, I could watch Gordon yell at people FOREVER without getting sick of it.

9-10 p.m. — Red Band Society

I could not find a trailer for this show anywhere. Kinda concerning? Allegedly it stars Octavia Spencer and is about kids in a hospital.

 

THURSDAY

8-9 p.m. — Bones

The battle tested and well traveled Bones winds up back here for 2014.

9-10 p.m. — Gracepoint

Where to begin. First off, I’m not sure why this needed to be remade in the first place, and so soon after it aired on BBC America. It’s not like there were a few fatal flaws to fix, it was heartbreakingly perfect in its original iteration. Anna Gunn and Nick Nolte both make appearances, but I can’t get over how SUPER weird it is hearing David Tennant repeat the same lines he had in the original Broadchurch, except now he’s doing them in an American accent. Who am I kidding, I’ll still tune in out of morbid curiosity.

 

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. — Masterchef Junior

Maybe FOX can just cut out the middleman and make Gordon head of programming or something.

9-10 p.m. — Utopia

A no-brainer for FOX. If Utopia is a success, they get another free hour of programming per week by airing it twice. If it is a disaster, the Tuesday airing can go away, and this timeslot will continue as needed, no harm no foul.

 

SATURDAY

8-10 p.m. FOX Sports Saturday

College football, hopefully with more Gus Johnson. #DegenAlert: I have futures tickets on Michigan St., LSU, and South Carolina to win the new NCAA playoff.

NBC 2014 Fall Schedule

My thoughts on the schedule NBC released for the next broadcast season. New shows in bold:

 

SUNDAY

7-8:20 p.m. — Football Night in America

8:20-11:30 p.m. — NBC Sunday Night Football

Jadeveon Clowney, Teddy Bridgewater, and Johnny Manziel join the cast of the highest rated television show in the US.

 

MONDAY

8-10 p.m. — The Voice

Pharrell Williams and Gwen Stefani are joining the cast.

10-11 p.m. — The Blacklist / State of Affairs (beginning Nov. 17)

On the one hand, NBC must like State of Affairs to put it after The Voice. On the other, NBC does it no favors by premiering it in mid-November, where it will only have a few weeks of that Voice lead in before it is hung out to dry in the lowly rated tv doldrums of December. In the end, I don’t think it’ll make that much of a difference. State of Affairs looks to be a watered down version of Homeland, that will focus on all of Homeland’s worst aspects (zomg star-crossed lovers). Also, can we please quit trying to make Katherine Heigl happen?

 

TUESDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Voice

Results show.

9-9:30 p.m. — Marry Me

This is the new show by David Caspe of Happy Endings fame and starring Ken Marino and Casey Wilson. I am very much looking forward to shoving this in my eye holes. It has all the makings of a show the internet will love and the public will hate. So it will be down around a 1.0 rating by episode four. You can look forward to me bitching about its impending cancellation on twitter dot com.

9:30-10 p.m. — About a Boy

I didn’t much care for About a Boy when it premiered this year. Seemed like a cheap knockoff of the movie I probably enjoyed more than I should have. Not sure I’ve heard enough to give it another chance.

10-11 p.m. — Chicago Fire

One of NBC’s most consistent performers is rewarded with the same timeslot next year.

 

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Mysteries of Laura

After finding out that America doesn’t care as much about Michael J. Fox as it expected, NBC is now trying to find out if we still care about Debra Messing. The trailer was pretty “meh” for me, so that means mainstream America will probably adore it.

9-10 p.m. — Law & Order: SVU

Returning for it’s 67th season.

10-11 p.m. — Chicago P.D.

Like Chicago Fire, NBC is rewarding Chicago P.D.’s steady performance this year with the same timeslot.

 

THURSDAY

8-9 p.m. — The Biggest Loser

Opposite the sure to be Thursday Night Football juggernaut on CBS, NBC is starting their night with their cheapest show to produce. I had thought Community and Parks & Recreation would both get 13 episode orders so they could be placed here as cannon fodder for football, since they also perform admirably against brutal competition.

9-9:30 p.m. — Bad Judge

A Will Ferrell and Adam McKay starring Kate Walsh. I think it has some promise, but the facts seemed to be stacked against it. It is only on the schedule until The Blacklist returns post-Super Bowl and has to air against the previously mentioned Thurs Night Football monster. Hard to be optimistic about its future.

9:30-10 p.m. — A to Z

Easily the worst of NBC’s new shows. Like Bad Judge, this seems put here to die. It will not be missed.

9-10 p.m — The Blacklist (beginning Feb. 5)

NBC’s big move this season. This is their plot to take over the night by scheduling this against relatively weak competition (Grey’s Anatomy and the much lower rated second hour of CBS’s Thurs. night comedy block). I have a feeling it will be a huge success, since it also received the coveted post-Super Bowl airing, a few days before it’s return from winter hiatus.

10-11 p.m. — Parenthood

The last 13 episodes will be burned off opposite football. Seems oddly fitting, tbqh.

 

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. — Dateline NBC

Old reliable.

9-10 p.m. — Grimm

I gave up on this show halfway through season one, but I am amazed at how big of a hit it has been for NBC.

10-11 p.m. — Constantine

This seems like an ideal pairing with Grimm. But the big news is JEREMY DAVIES IS IN THE TRAILER NBC RELEASED!!!! Shockingly, he has crazy hair and appears to be playing a mentally unstable fellow. Seeing him immediately vaulted this up to the top of my list of NBC shows I will check out next season. I am hoping this is good enough to be alternated with Hannibal on Friday nights for the next few years.

 

SATURDAY

8-10 p.m. Encore Programming

Likely to be replaced by new episodes of State of Affairs and Mysteries of Laura after NBC shelves them during their first few weeks.