Scandal – State of the Union

Now in it’s regular date and time, the rambling on about Scandal continues apace:

– Damn, that kind of emotional blackmail Cyrus plays on Olivia is all kinds of ice cold and awful. Vegetarians are terrible.

– Mellie hanging out on her son’s grave isn’t any less heartbreaking this week. Just hurry up and give Bellamy Young an Emmy already.

– There’s my girl Mellie living the dang dream, lounging around and eating a big ol’ plate of fried chicken. I mean, if I was First Guy or whatever, I’d certainly just chill and have the White House chef whip me up all kinds of delicious snacks at all hours.

– I would pay $100 to see a two-person play consisting of Jeff Perry and Bellamy Young eating fried chicken and talking about who is the most broken. I smell a Tony!

– OF COURSE the paralyzed school shooting hero and POW survivor couple are terrible people. This is Scandal. EVERYONE is terrible.

– Incesting? Guh, I didn’t think there was a way to make Quinn and Huck’s gross sex any more un-appealing, but congrats Abby, you’ve done it.

– I’m surprised Scandal made the callback to the domestic abuse allegation OPA faked to make David Rosen look like a wife-beater. Strong callback.

– I pass no judgement on Cyrus’s flirting skills, as I am just as bad.

– Nononono, Quinn and Huck almost had icky sex again. I’ve never been more psyched to hear someone get stabbed. Great work as usual, you two.

– All those years of getting steamrolled by OPA has finally taught Rosen a lesson! “This is blackmail.” “I’d like to think of it as winning.” GET ‘EM, ROSEN!

– MONOLOGUE OF THE NIGHT: Cyrus’s big ol’ speech to Abby about how he’s not worried that Olivia Pope will fail.

– Did I hear that right, after Fitz asks for the room with Olivia, he says “Gabby, will be alright”? Sick burn, dude.

– I also gave Mellie a standing O.

– Oh hey there, Charlie. Good for you for not being dead yet, I guess?

– So this is the season where Olivia will get herself all hot and bothered by Fitz and then go sex it up with Jake? Because she was all fired up and ready to go after fixing that SotU speech.

– That’s not a complaint or anything. I’d very much be into it if Olivia Pope showed up to my apartment with wine, wearing nothing but a coat and boots.

– I’m starting to like Portia de Rossi’s RNC Chairperson, but it still feels a bit too much like she’s playing checkers while everyone else is playing chess.

– Given all the nefarious plots and blackmails that he’s overseen, you’d think Cyrus would have his guard up a little more when a hunky dude is practically throwing himself at him. I mean, it shouldn’t take a political genius to figure out it’s likely a sex worker sent on a mission to help bury you.

– So I guess we’re not going to revisit that domestic abuse thing from last week? I’m ok with that.

– While it is sad that there hasn’t been any major twists or bonkers developments, I’m cautiously optimistic about this new, more serious Scandal. I’m still on board, is what I’m saying.

Until next week, gang.

Scandal – Randy, Red, Superfreak, And Julia

With the start of the new fall season, it is time to announce the beginning of a new (mostly) weekly series of Nude_Tayne’s drunken back-of-the-envelope notes on Scandal. So without further ado, I present the season four premiere, “Randy, Red, Superfreak, and Julia”:

 

 

– I appreciate Shonda Rhimes letting us know early on that the new earlier timeslot isn’t going to affect Scandal’s content too much. We went from zero to beachfront finger-blasting in like one minute flat.

– I just knew Olivia would find a way to get crazy amounts of red wine to her isolated island paradise, God bless her.

– One of the many things I truly adore about Scandal is how they use nothing but zany hairstyles to signify the passage of time. For the record, Olivia’s beach curls > flashback Olivia’s bangs. Also (and as a single 31 year old dude, I’m by no means an expert on ladies’ hair), wouldn’t she have had to straighten her hair ON the flight home? Is that a thing that’s even possible? Wouldn’t it come out all terrible looking? Olivia Pope really can fix everything.

– Oh Mellie! I don’t care that you’re in the midst of a horrendous depression after the events of last season. Even eating cereal straight from the box in your days old pajamas can make me swoon.

– I would pay $1000 to go bowling with Mellie Grant. Kickstarter?

– Cyrus, I’m sorry pal, but your new hairstyle is not doing it for me. It looks so … odd. I’ll take flashback Cy’s full beard any day of the week, thank you very much.

– Portia de Rossi’s hair, on the other hand, is a goddamn work of art. Imagine if she and Boyd Crowder had a baby. That tot would be born with locks that’d set the dang world on fire.

– So is Quinn, like, not evil anymore? Are we just going to forget about that whole arc? I mean, I’m ok if we do. That Quinn was the absolute WORST.

– Poor Huck. Poor Randy. I’ll play video games with ya, bud.

– Is it me, or was there an awful lot of Papa Pope in Olivia’s forgiveness speech to Abby?

– The Underground Railroad sounds like a delightfully delicious sandwich. I MUST HAVE IT!

– PERD!!!!

– I’m all for equal rights and everything, but sending in a staffer that to be sexually assaulted and then used as blackmail to help secure an equal pay for females bill, is a bridge too far, even for me. I kinda hope that storyline doesn’t drag out too long. It makes me feel icky.

– For four people that all kinda hate each other, that was a lovely funeral.

– MONOLOGUE OF THE NIGHT: Mellie’s soul-crushing drunken porch speech to Fitz, which I will heretofore refer to as the “It’s 1976 down there” speech. Oh Mellie Grant, my heart breaks for you. I will be DEVASTATED if Scandal ends without her on some beach, laying next to a hunky dude, sipping umbrella rum drinks. She needs this. I need this.