My Favorite TV of 2018

Hi! I watch a lot of tv. I like a lot of tv shows. Here’s the 10 I liked the most in 2018 (plus 5 more that I just couldn’t not mention).

Honorable Mention
Brockmire (IFC)
Little Drummer Girl (AMC)
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FXX)
Counterpart (STARZ)
The X-Files (FOX)

10. Detroiters (Comedy Central)

Whenever I was sad and needed some cheering up, instead of wanting to wallow in that sadness, I’d put on Detroiters. And after 22 minutes, I’d feel much better. Thanks guys.

9. The Terror (AMC)

Even in the days of 500 scripted series airing every year, I will always appreciate a well-done slow burn scary story.

8. Barry (HBO)

I didn’t think I’d enjoy this show as much as I did; but boy is Bill Hader wonderful. Especially when paired with tv’s funniest new character, NoHo Hank.

7. The Good Place (NBC)

I haven’t liked this season as much as the previous two, but I still enjoy it so very much. Ted Danson: still a national treasure.

6. American Vandal (NETFLIX)

Even in the era of peak tv, I don’t think this show gets made without a service like Netflix, and I’m thankful we got two whole seasons, but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them for ONLY giving us two seasons before canceling it. Even the trailer is perfect:

5. Better Call Saul (AMC)

Remember a time when we thought this show might not even be good, never mind up to the level of Breaking Bad? Boy were we silly.

4. BoJack Horseman (NETFLIX)

The most relatable show on television remains the Netflix cartoon about a talking horse. Still as brilliant as ever.

3. Killing Eve (BBC America)

Man does it kill me to have to put these top 3 shows in some order. I ended up taking the easy way out and putting this third because it is the youngest and should have more chances to top my list. But what an amazing season. I haven’t been this impressed with a first season since Orphan Black, maybe? But I’m going to shut up now so you can go watch it.  It’s all up on Hulu now. Then watch season 2 as it airs and help keep it on air. And if any awards show voters are listening, NOMINATE JODIE COMER.

2. Atlanta (FX)

I loved every singe second of this show this year, and yet it could still only place second. And no phrase and gif can sum up 2018 quite like Teddy Perkins ostrich egg.

 

1. The Americans (FX)

The wonderful final season of an under-watched masterpiece. I’ll miss you always, mail robot. Lets end on a happy note, tho.

 

Top TV of 2015 Part 2 (20-1)

And now for the thrilling conclusion. Part 1 here.

Top TV of 2015 Part 1 (40-21)

One of my best skills is watching too much tv, so here’s my attempt to document what this past year was all about. I’ve slowly expanded this over the years, so the natural progression is now into two separate lists of 20. Before we begin, some starting points:

Here’s last year’s top 30 list.

Ground rules:

1. No game shows (Jeopardy!, Family Feud, etc.)
2. No late night shows (Colbert)
3. No cooking competitions (Chopped, Cutthroat Kitchen, Masterchef, etc.)
4. No reality shows (90 Day Fiance, Catfish, etc.)
5. No tv movies or one-off specials (30 for 30’s)

A brief list of shows that I didn’t have time for (I arbitrarily made the cutoff that I needed to see at least half the episodes aired in 2015): Transparent, Rectify, Hannibal, Master of None (I’m watching it now!), Orange is the New Black, Show Me a Hero, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Halt and Catch Fire, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Got it? Good. Here we go:

2015 Emmy Ballot

So with tomorrow being Emmy nomination day, I went through the actual ballots and put together a hypothetical that I’d submit. With one exception, I limited it to shows I’ve seen the majority of eligible episodes for, so that means I cast no votes for Orange is the New Black and Transparent. So I really need to get around to catching up on those.

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES

“Broad City” (Comedy Central)
“Jane the Virgin” (CW)
“Parks and Recreation” (NBC)
“Shameless” (Showtime)
“Silicon Valley” (HBO)
“Veep” (HBO)
“You’re the Worst” (FX)

A good selection here. A couple selections from the best block of tv in recent memory (Veep, Silicon Valley), a couple of shows I had low expectations on first watch that turned out to be brilliantly hilarious (Jane the Virgin, You’re the Worst), a farewell to possibly the last great broadcast sitcom (Parks & Rec), the non-comedy comedy (Shameless), and last but not least, the always delightful Broad City.

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES

“The Americans” (FX)
“Banshee” (Cinemax)
“Better Call Saul” (AMC)
“Boardwalk Empire” (HBO)
“Justified” (FX)
“The Leftovers” (HBO)
“Mad Men” (AMC)

I’m a big fan of handing great shows a nomination going away, so I felt I needed to include Boardwalk, Justified, and Mad Men. That leaves two slots for the best drama currently on tv (The Americans) and one of the strongest debuts in recent memory (Better Call Saul). Rounding out my picks are two shows that are equally good and complete opposites: The bonkers action-fest of Banshee and the riveting bleakness of The Leftovers.

LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Louis CK, “Louie”
Nat Faxon, “Married”
Nathan Fielder, “Nathan For You”
Chris Geere, “You’re the Worst”
Thomas Middleditch, “Silicon Valley”
Andy Samberg, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”

None of these guys have any shot (spoiler alert: Jim Parsons [*sigh*]) is gonna win, but these are the six guys eligible in this category that made me laugh the most this year.

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
Bob Odenkirk, “Better Call Saul”
Timothy Olyphant, “Justified”
Clive Owen, “The Knick”
Matthew Rhys, “The Americans”
Justin Theroux, “The Leftovers”

It KILLS me to have to leave off Steve Buscemi, but I couldn’t find it in me to take one of these other names off the list. I’d love to see Jon Hamm finally win, but if he hasn’t won by now, there’s no way they’ll give it to him on a walkoff. I’m praying that the academy goes with Clive Owen instead of fucking Kevin Spacey again if they want to get behind a movie star that branches out into tv. Seriously though, who would’ve guessed Bob Odenkirk would be this terrific leading a show?

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Aya Cash, “You’re the Worst”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep”
Amy Poehler, “Parks and Recreation”
Gina Rodriguez, “Jane the Virgin”
Emmy Rossum, “Shameless”
Ilana Glazer/Abbi Jacobson, “Broad City”

I definitely cheated here because I couldn’t choose between Ilana and Abbi. If I had to make a pick, I’d legit just flip a coin. While Amy Poehler can commiserate with Jon Hamm in the ‘It’s a crime I’ve never won’ Club, Emmy Rossum is the new flagbearer in the ‘It’s a crime I’m not even nominated’ Club. JLD’s performance is so amazing that even though I’d like to see someone else win, but I can’t find a legit reason to not keep giving her the statue.

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Lizzy Caplan, “Masters of Sex”
Viola Davis, “How To Get Away with Murder”
Eva Green, “Penny Dreadful”
Taraji P. Henson, “Empire”
Tatiana Maslany, “Orphan Black”
Keri Russell, “The Americans”

Oh my goodness was this a murderous category to narrow down. I could fill out another ballot with six different names that all would be equally deserving. I’ve always said that if Tatiana Maslany ever gets a nomination she’ll easily win, because the voters will be forced to watch her and will just be completely blown away. I’ve also been all riled up for about 15 months now about Eva Green’s upcoming snub. Taraji P. Henson is the one exception to my “majority of episodes” rule, but I’m comfortable enough with what I’ve seen to know she belongs on this list.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Andre Braugher, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
Kevin Dunn, “Veep”
TJ Miller, “Silicon Valley”
Nick Offerman, “Parks and Recreation”
Timothy Simons, “Veep”
Keegan-Michael Key/Jordan Peele, “Key & Peele”

This was another brutal category to narrow down, even with cheating by having Key and Peele be another coin flip situaish. In the end I needed to include Ron Fucking Swanson, national treasure Andre Braugher, and I couldn’t stick to just one Veep nominee.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Jonathan Banks, “Better Call Saul”
Jere Burns, “Justified”
Noah Emmerich, “The Americans”
Walton Goggins, “Justified”
Matthew Lillard, “The Bridge”
Michael Kenneth Williams, “Boardwalk Empire”

I am hoping Jonathan Banks wins just because he should’ve won for Breaking Bad. I’d also love to see Williams, Lillard, Goggins, and Burns get deserved nominations on the way out the door.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Stephanie Beatriz, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
Alison Brie, “Community”
Anna Chlumsky, “Veep”
Melissa Fumero, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
Andrea Navedo, “Jane the Virgin”
Kaitlin Olson, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”

This is where not watching some shows really came back to bite me. I had a bit of trouble filling out this ballot, but I’m happy with the six I landed on.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Amy Brenneman, “The Leftovers”
Joelle Carter, “Justified”
Carrie Coon, “The Leftovers”
Lena Headey, “Game of Thrones”
Holly Taylor, “The Americans”
Bellamy Young, “Scandal”

While Carrie Coon gave the best performance in The Leftovers, there was no way I could not include Brenneman who did just a phenomenal job without being able to use her words. Lets keep the Justified party going with Joelle Carter too. But me? I’m casting my vote for Bellamy Young’s Mellie Grant in 2015.

True Detective – “Night Finds You”

Man, I don’t even know what to make of True Detective anymore. I don’t really have any desire to write out anything fancy, so I’m going straight to a roughly formatted list of shit I want to say:

– Still don’t care for the new credit song. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something just feels off.

– I’m gonna start at the end. I hated it. Hate, hate, HATE it. They have painted themselves into a lose-lose scenario.

– If Ray is dead, the show has lost the one person these first two hours has developed into an actual character, and not some generalized archetype. This show becomes a far less interesting 6-part miniseries led by Rachel McAdams, I guess? I almost universally adore the shocking killing off of a main character, but you have to have at least one other fully formed character that can take over being the focus.

– If Ray is alive, this is a blatant grab at online buzz and relevancy all to just to reveal Mysterious Bird Man pumped him full of rock salt or something non-lethal for what is sure to turn out to be a dumb fucking reason? To scare him? To teach him a lesson? It makes no fucking sense. Ugh.

– I like Vince Vaughn. He can play tough. He can play goofy. What he cannot do, is make Nic Pizzolatto’s dialogue sound like it’s is something a normal and sane human being would say. That’s no crime. Pizzolatto writes some weird ass dialogue that not everyone can make work. But boy howdy was that opening scene tough to hear.

– I was a bit taken aback by the shotgun junk morgue scene, not due to the content, but because season 1 managed to be more a tell don’t show story when it came to the more gruesome images.

– Unsurprisingly, the show is at its best when it just threw McAdams and Farrell into the same car and let them yak it up. I honestly don’t know how it was supposed to be played, as a straight goofy attempt to bond or as a joke, but Velcoro’s anti-e-cig backhanded complement/rant was delightfully charming. Starting with a compliment and ending with a strong dick joke. ROBOT BJ’s NOW!

– Also, Velcoro’s “I support feminism because of my body issues” or whatever the line was is a tremendously human humble brag and it was really the first point where I thought this season had a legitimate chance to be something wonderful again, before those dreams were all shattered by episode’s end.

– Seriously, the less we say about Taylor Kitsch, the better. Not only does he seem to be in his own little mini-show but his scenes are the worst written and drag on-and-on. I assume what we’re supposed to take away from this episode is that his Viagra usage in the premiere was not due to some physical condition, but due to the fact that’s he’s gay and really, really doesn’t want to be, which BLURGH. And making his girlfriend the most thinly written of ALL of True Detective’s female characters does not help matters. “Whatever is wrong with you, I can’t fix” made me throw up in my mouth a little. Surely we can do better than this.

– I think Justin Lin is going through Fast and Furious withdrawals. I counted at least a half dozen shots of roadways, where it seemed he was staring wistfully through the camera, just hoping, praying, BEGGING for Vin and Luda and The Rock to show up and do something outrageous.

– W. Earl Brown’s drunk lazy/inept/uncaring detective is my fav minor police character so far.

– Speaking of minor characters, RICK SPRINGFIELD!!! And his wonderful vagina rock (sorry, mineral). I don’t know if that’s a one-off spot or if he’ll be back on the show, but he looks like a loony tunes lovechild between Hank Schrader and Rob Lowe circa Behind the Candelabra. MOAR PLZ.

– Episode MVP: Mayor McDrunktown. His slow descent into drunken rambling gibberish each time we checked in on him in his office was a thing to behold. You know you’re tying a good one on when you move straight to drinking out of the shaker.

– I really want to know how much Buffalo Wild Wings had to fork over for that product placement. And how disappointed they must be.

– In closing:

Best of 2014 – Top 30 Scripted TV Shows

[EDITED at 6 PM on 12/29 – Hahaha, whoops. I somehow managed to entirely forget Masters of Sex in my initial list. I have placed it at my ranking of 17 and adjusted everything after it up by 1. That’s why the list now starts at 31.]

One of my best skills is being able to watch far too much tv, I always feel like I need to close the year out by taking one last look back at the year in tv. For my list, I only count scripted series. So to clarify:

• No reality shows (sorry Catfish, Redneck Island, 90 Day Fiance)
• No cooking contests (sorry Chopped, Gordon Ramsey, Top Chef)
• No late night shows (sorry John Oliver, Stephen Colbert)
• No mini-series, tv movies, or one-off specials (sorry Sharknado 2, 30 For 30, Too Many Cooks).
• There are also great shows I just did’t have time for (Hannibal, Orange is the New Black, Transparent) that are omitted.

So without wasting any more words on an intro no one will read, here we go:

31. Workaholics

While this wasn’t as good a season as the past few, I appreciate the opportunity to keep Adam Devine fresh for Pitch Perfect 2.

30. How To Get Away With Murder

I prefer this show in procedural mode to the serialized elements because that’s when they just let Viola Davis kill it. If HTGAWM can find it’s own Defiance arc,  this show could get super bonkers and super good. It is right on that same precipice as Scandal was early in its run.

29. Banshee

A little bit supernatural, a little bit softcore porny, and the winner and reigning champion of having the most insane fight scenes on tv.

28. Key & Peele

A little more out there this season. They jettisoned most of their popular older segments in favor of taking the show in a weirder, darker turn. I can’t wait to see what these dudes have up their sleeves next.

27. Inside Amy Schumer

Anyone who spouts off that “women aren’t funny” nonsense has clearly never seen this show.

26. Sleepy Hollow

God help me do I have a soft spot for this show. Given its loony tunes premise, it shouldn’t work at all. Yet by never taking itself too seriously, featuring two leads that have great camaraderie, and adding in the always terrific John Noble as a regular; this has turned into one of the best hours of broadcast tv.

25. Archer

I’m fairly certain I liked this Archer: Vice season far more than most, but come on:

24. Community

This is the season that never should have existed, but I’m so, so glad it does. Of all the memorable moments, I want this to be real SO bad:

23. Parks & Recreation

I am so very, very unprepared for this show to be over in a few months. I will never be ready to say goodbye to Jean-Ralphio or Ron Swanson or

22. Nathan For You

The Bill Gates impersonator is by far the best minor character introduced in 2014.

21. Justified

A down season after the insane high of the last 3 years, but I’ll take the adventures Boyd, Raylan, Dewey Crowe, Dickie Bennett, and Wynn Duffy over 95% of other television shows.

20. Broad City

I was way late to this show, not having caught it until I found it on Amazon Prime Streaming when I was sick a couple weeks ago. I enjoyed it so much I knocked out the whole season in one day.

19. Silicon Valley

The most elaborate (and best) setup for a dick joke in the history of dicks or jokes.

18. Orphan Black

#AllTatianaMaslanyAllTheTime

17. Masters of Sex

“The Fight”, which almost entirely takes place between Sheen’s Masters and Caplan’s Johnson may be my favorite hour of dramatic tv this season.

16. Penny Dreadful

I’ve spent the last six months getting all worked up in preparation for Eva Green getting snubbed in all the awards shows this year.

15. Mad Men

At the beginning of my voyage through this season, I thought the show might finally slip off my list. But boy did those last two episodes kill it.

14. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Andre Braugher is a goddamn national treasure. And he has perfectly adapted his deadpan delivery for maximum comedic effect. Kwazy. Cupcakes.

13. Bob’s Burgers

Preach, gurl:

12. Scandal

My grandmother watches two television shows regularly: Jeopardy! and Scandal. My grandmother has the best taste in tv.

11. Game of Thrones

This show has reached the point where I am no longer surprised by the death of any character. I think that complacency has caused this to slip from my top 10. That might be my problem, though.

10. The Knick

The thumping soundtrack. Clive Owen’s electric performance. Steven Soderbergh’s direction. Who knew Cinemax could be the home of great prestige tv?

9. The Bridge

Out of all the shows that were canceled this season, I am the most upset about this one. The second half of this year’s season two was nothing short of riveting tv as all the stories recombined into one. Among all the sensational acting performances, Matthew Lillard’s may have been the best. RIP The Bridge. You are gone too soon.

8. Veep

Nothing tickles my fancy quite like Julia Louis-Dreyfus cursing like a sailor.

7. Boardwalk Empire

While I was disappointed in the shortened season and the jump forward in time; all my favorite remaining characters (Chalky, Van Alden, Capone) got quality send-offs. Nucky also got a season long story worthy of a gangster.

6. Shameless

Emmy Rossum continues to give the most under-appreciated performance in all of television in what is Showtime’s least talked about and best show.

5. True Detective

I feel this might be lower on my list due to recency bias thanks to this airing at the beginning of the season, but there were very few performances quite like McConaughey as old Rust Cohle. I could’ve watched him talking into the camera for hours and hours and hours.

4. The Leftovers

I adore depressing tv. And NOTHING was quite so bleak in 2014 as The Leftovers. I averaged about three glasses of bourbon per episode. The last 10-15 minutes of episode nine was one of the most gut-punching heart-destroying things I’ve ever seen. I loved every moment of it.

3. Review

Easily the funniest show of 2014. While there too many terrific segments to list, the “Pancakes; Divorce; Pancakes” episode is hands down the funniest 22 minutes of television of the year. The rare comedy that can be dark as hell AND laugh out loud funny within seconds of each other. Five stars!

2. The Americans

I really want to use this space to talk about how the tight storytelling finally caught up to the phenomenal acting, but I think you can figure that out based on the show’s placement on my list. So instead lets just mention that Matthew Rhys and Keri Russell are responsible for the first 69 on American television. Nice.

1. Fargo

I can think of 1000 ways to make this show and 999 of them result in it being terrible. So Noah Hawley deserves all the credit in the world for this terrific story. It manages to remain true to the Coen Brothers aesthetic, yet also wholly be something of it’s own. The performances were phenomenal: Alison Tolman was the breakthrough of the year as Molly. Martin Freeman played against character to perfection as Lester. And Billy Bob was just aces. I haven’t been this emotionally involved in a show since Breaking Bad. Gus + Molly 4eva, you guys. But the reason this show tops my list is that nothing affected me quite as much as the end of “A Fox, A Rabbit, and A Cabbage” when HE CONVINCES HER TO PUT ON THE ORANGE JACKET.

Scandal – State of the Union

Now in it’s regular date and time, the rambling on about Scandal continues apace:

– Damn, that kind of emotional blackmail Cyrus plays on Olivia is all kinds of ice cold and awful. Vegetarians are terrible.

– Mellie hanging out on her son’s grave isn’t any less heartbreaking this week. Just hurry up and give Bellamy Young an Emmy already.

– There’s my girl Mellie living the dang dream, lounging around and eating a big ol’ plate of fried chicken. I mean, if I was First Guy or whatever, I’d certainly just chill and have the White House chef whip me up all kinds of delicious snacks at all hours.

– I would pay $100 to see a two-person play consisting of Jeff Perry and Bellamy Young eating fried chicken and talking about who is the most broken. I smell a Tony!

– OF COURSE the paralyzed school shooting hero and POW survivor couple are terrible people. This is Scandal. EVERYONE is terrible.

– Incesting? Guh, I didn’t think there was a way to make Quinn and Huck’s gross sex any more un-appealing, but congrats Abby, you’ve done it.

– I’m surprised Scandal made the callback to the domestic abuse allegation OPA faked to make David Rosen look like a wife-beater. Strong callback.

– I pass no judgement on Cyrus’s flirting skills, as I am just as bad.

– Nononono, Quinn and Huck almost had icky sex again. I’ve never been more psyched to hear someone get stabbed. Great work as usual, you two.

– All those years of getting steamrolled by OPA has finally taught Rosen a lesson! “This is blackmail.” “I’d like to think of it as winning.” GET ‘EM, ROSEN!

– MONOLOGUE OF THE NIGHT: Cyrus’s big ol’ speech to Abby about how he’s not worried that Olivia Pope will fail.

– Did I hear that right, after Fitz asks for the room with Olivia, he says “Gabby, will be alright”? Sick burn, dude.

– I also gave Mellie a standing O.

– Oh hey there, Charlie. Good for you for not being dead yet, I guess?

– So this is the season where Olivia will get herself all hot and bothered by Fitz and then go sex it up with Jake? Because she was all fired up and ready to go after fixing that SotU speech.

– That’s not a complaint or anything. I’d very much be into it if Olivia Pope showed up to my apartment with wine, wearing nothing but a coat and boots.

– I’m starting to like Portia de Rossi’s RNC Chairperson, but it still feels a bit too much like she’s playing checkers while everyone else is playing chess.

– Given all the nefarious plots and blackmails that he’s overseen, you’d think Cyrus would have his guard up a little more when a hunky dude is practically throwing himself at him. I mean, it shouldn’t take a political genius to figure out it’s likely a sex worker sent on a mission to help bury you.

– So I guess we’re not going to revisit that domestic abuse thing from last week? I’m ok with that.

– While it is sad that there hasn’t been any major twists or bonkers developments, I’m cautiously optimistic about this new, more serious Scandal. I’m still on board, is what I’m saying.

Until next week, gang.

Scandal – Randy, Red, Superfreak, And Julia

With the start of the new fall season, it is time to announce the beginning of a new (mostly) weekly series of Nude_Tayne’s drunken back-of-the-envelope notes on Scandal. So without further ado, I present the season four premiere, “Randy, Red, Superfreak, and Julia”:

 

 

– I appreciate Shonda Rhimes letting us know early on that the new earlier timeslot isn’t going to affect Scandal’s content too much. We went from zero to beachfront finger-blasting in like one minute flat.

– I just knew Olivia would find a way to get crazy amounts of red wine to her isolated island paradise, God bless her.

– One of the many things I truly adore about Scandal is how they use nothing but zany hairstyles to signify the passage of time. For the record, Olivia’s beach curls > flashback Olivia’s bangs. Also (and as a single 31 year old dude, I’m by no means an expert on ladies’ hair), wouldn’t she have had to straighten her hair ON the flight home? Is that a thing that’s even possible? Wouldn’t it come out all terrible looking? Olivia Pope really can fix everything.

– Oh Mellie! I don’t care that you’re in the midst of a horrendous depression after the events of last season. Even eating cereal straight from the box in your days old pajamas can make me swoon.

– I would pay $1000 to go bowling with Mellie Grant. Kickstarter?

– Cyrus, I’m sorry pal, but your new hairstyle is not doing it for me. It looks so … odd. I’ll take flashback Cy’s full beard any day of the week, thank you very much.

– Portia de Rossi’s hair, on the other hand, is a goddamn work of art. Imagine if she and Boyd Crowder had a baby. That tot would be born with locks that’d set the dang world on fire.

– So is Quinn, like, not evil anymore? Are we just going to forget about that whole arc? I mean, I’m ok if we do. That Quinn was the absolute WORST.

– Poor Huck. Poor Randy. I’ll play video games with ya, bud.

– Is it me, or was there an awful lot of Papa Pope in Olivia’s forgiveness speech to Abby?

– The Underground Railroad sounds like a delightfully delicious sandwich. I MUST HAVE IT!

– PERD!!!!

– I’m all for equal rights and everything, but sending in a staffer that to be sexually assaulted and then used as blackmail to help secure an equal pay for females bill, is a bridge too far, even for me. I kinda hope that storyline doesn’t drag out too long. It makes me feel icky.

– For four people that all kinda hate each other, that was a lovely funeral.

– MONOLOGUE OF THE NIGHT: Mellie’s soul-crushing drunken porch speech to Fitz, which I will heretofore refer to as the “It’s 1976 down there” speech. Oh Mellie Grant, my heart breaks for you. I will be DEVASTATED if Scandal ends without her on some beach, laying next to a hunky dude, sipping umbrella rum drinks. She needs this. I need this.

2014 Primetime Emmys

There doesn’t seem to be as much value as in years past, but let’s see if we can use history and complacency (the two biggest Emmy values!) to make a few bucks.

DRAMA SERIES

Breaking Bad – 1/5
True Detective – 7/1
Game of Thrones – 8/1
House of Cards – 9/1
Downton Abbey – 50/1
Mad Men – 50/1

Downton has no shot. The time for Mad Men has passed, as they haven’t won in the two years since their run of four straight. If House of Cards was going to win, it would’ve been last year when they had Netflix’s full promotional push. Game of Thrones collected the requisite genre nod, but it won’t compete this year. That leaves Breaking Bad and True Detective. When Breaking Bad finished its run late last year, I thought there was nothing in the world that was going to come close to competing for ALL the Emmys. Then True Detective happened, and hooo boy was that a ride. By the time it ended, I guessed it would narrowly top Breaking Bad for the drama series Emmy. But now, after having some space to rewatch and think about both, I believe that Breaking Bad should and will win. Although I would not be shocked if HBO’s campaign resulted in a True Detective victory.

COMEDY SERIES

Orange Is The New Black – 5/4
Modern Family – 2/1
Veep – 4/1
Louie – 10/1
The Big Bang Theory – 10/1
Silicon Valley – 30/1

Modern Family has won it the last four years. But they garnered significantly fewer nominations this year than in year’s past, indicating fatigue has (FINALLY!) set in. Other than the delightful Silicon Valley snagging a “we’re just blown away to be nominated” nomination, this is a tough one to predict. It’ll all depend on what the voters want to reward at the moment they cast their ballots. If they want to reward popularity, Big Bang Theory will win. If they want to award creativity (and push the boundaries of what a comedy is) they will reward Louie. If they want to reward complacency, it’s Modern Family. However, if they want to reward the best show, they will go with either Veep or Orange. Orange has the additional benefit of making the Academy look “cutting edge” by being a Netflix show, and I think that is what will put it over the top.

MINISERIES

Fargo – 1/10
American Horror Story: Coven – 7/1
Bonnie and Clyde – 25/1
Luther – 25/1
Treme – 25/1
The White Queen – 30/1

With HBO doing Fargo the biggest solid in awards show history by submitting as a drama series, there is not much drama here. The White Queen and Bonnie and Clyde were terrible and have no shot. Treme and Luther are good drama series that did not air enough enough episodes to make that category and likely will not win. AHS had their weakest season by far and couldn’t beat tv movies the last two years. Fargo’s worst episode is light years better than the best episode of the other entries. If Fargo doesn’t win, everything has gone horribly wrong.

TV MOVIE

The Normal Heart – 1/10
Sherlock: His Last Vow – 12/1
The Trip to Bountiful – 12/1
Killing Kennedy – 15/1
Muhammed Ali’s Greatest Fight – 15/1

There’s not much need to debate this one either. The Normal Heart had a jam-packed All-Star cast and deals with an issue of great historical importance. It’s the most obvious winner of the night.

VARIETY SERIES

The Colbert Report – 1/2
The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon – 2/1
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart – 15/1
Jimmy Kimmel Live – 18/1
Saturday Night Live – 20/1
Real Time with Bill Maher – 25/1

The Colbert Report was finally able to wrest the award away from The Daily Show and Jon Stewart, ending a full decade of dominance. With Colbert ending his show on Comedy Central, I fully expect him to take home this award one last time.

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Matthew McConaughey (True Detective) – 1/3
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) – 3/1
Kevin Spacey (House of Cards) – 9/1
Jeff Daniels (The Newsroom) – 30/1
Woody Harrelson (True Detective) – 30/1
Jon Hamm (Mad Men) – 50/1

This is Jon Hamm’s 7th nomination without a win. He’ll have one last chance to win for Don Draper next year. Woody Harrelson, even with a sublime performance, was always going to be overshadowed by his costar. Jeff Daniels won last year in perhaps the most mind boggling decision in Emmy history, but I can’t see that repeating. If Kevin Spacey was going to win, it would’ve been last year when House of Cards was Netflix’s gem. Bryan Cranston hasn’t won the last two years after taking home the prize three years in a row. While it will be tempting to give him one more trophy, and I think he did give the best performance this year, I don’t think he’ll win (and I’m not sure I’d even cast my vote for him). As mentioned, Cranston already has three of these, and this is McConaughey’s one and only chance to win an Emmy for Rust Cohle. And c’mon, we all need another McConaughey acceptance speech in our lives.

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Robin Wright (House of Cards) – 4/5
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife) – 3/2
Claire Danes (Homeland) – 11/1
Kerry Washington (Scandal) – 13/1
Lizzy Caplan (Masters of Sex) – 15/1
Michelle Dockery (Downton Abbey) – 33/1

This is perhaps the most wide open field of the night. Michelle Dockery isn’t really a lead actress and Lizzy Caplan and Masters of Sex don’t have the support to pull off a win. Claire Danes won the last two years, but the Homeland backlash was so loud and so deserved that I have a hard time buying into a three-peat. That leaves Robin Wright and Julianna Marguiles as the two who turned in the best performances here, and dark horse Kerry Washington. While I would not be surprised or mad to see Wright or Marguiles win, I think the value bet is on a history-making win by Washington. Scandal’s momentum has never been higher and Kerry Washington was also acting while (SUPER) pregnant, which tends to count for something with the voters. After the surprise win for Daniels in actor last year, is it time for the Academy to buy into Scandal’s wonderful bonkers insanity and give Kerry Washington the chance to make a historical speech? I say yes.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) – 2/5
Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones) – 5/2
Josh Charles (The Good Wife) – 9/1
Jon Voight (Ray Donovan) – 15/1
Mandy Patinkin (Homeland) – 40/1
Jim Carter (Downton Abbey) – 50/1

First off, I would not be disappointed if Paul, Dinklage, Charles, or Patinkin win. They would all be more than deserving. But lets be honest, Patinkin isn’t going to win with the Homeland backlash such as it is. Jon Voight and Jim Carter are a step below the rest of the field and can be ruled out. While Aaron Paul (and his submission episode “Confessions”) has all the requisites needed to win, he was upset by Bobby Cannavale last year, which leads me to believe that the Emmys will honor other shows with the acting awards and give the top drama series prize to Breaking Bad. Peter Dinklage also has a past win (and an amazing submission episode in “The Laws of God and Men”) and four straight nominations that could point to a win. However, I’m going with the payout and Josh Charles (with yet another great showcase episode “Hitting the Fan”). It is incredibly hard to get back on the ballot after being nominated and then falling off. Charles was on three years ago, but left off the past two. He had enough support to get back on, so I think he should have enough support to win.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Anna Gunn (Breaking Bad) – 1/4
Christine Baranski (The Good Wife) – 5/1
Joanne Froggatt (Downton Abbey) – 10/1
Christina Hendricks (Mad Men) – 20/1
Lena Headly (Game of Thrones) – 20/1
Maggie Smith (Downton Abbey) – 20/1

This is another incredible list of nominees. Emmy voters ADORE Maggie Smith. Headly, Hendricks, Froggatt, and Baranski did a terrific job and picked excellent showcase episodes. Even with that, they all pale in comparison to Anna Gunn and “Ozymandias”. I can’t picture a majority of voters watching her in that episode and then choosing to cast a ballot for someone else. It would be fitting for Breaking Bad to end it’s run with Cranston having three Emmys, and Paul and Gunn snagging two apiece.

LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) – 5/9
Ricky Gervais (Derek) – 3/1
Louie C.K. (Louie) – 7/1
William H. Macy (Shameless) – 7/1
Don Cheadle (House of Lies) – 30/1
Matt LeBlanc (Episodes) – 30/1

LeBlanc and Cheadle are not on good, very funny, or popular shows, so they have no chance. William H. Macy would have had a much better chance to win had he been nominated in the supporting actor category, as Emmy Rossum is really Shameless’s true lead. While Louie C.K. has a chance to win, the Academy seems to like to give him writing and/or directing awards since he does EVERYTHING on Louie. Parsons has two wins, and while it is more than likely he’ll get a third; I find Ricky Gervais to be an incredibly live underdog. I’d put his chances to win at more than 25% (more like 35-40%). So that’s where my money is going.

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep) – 1/10
Taylor Schilling (Orange Is The New Black) – 6/1
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation) – 10/1
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) – 40/1
Lena Dunham (Girls) – 50/1
Melissa McCarthy (Mike & Molly) – 50/1

Julia Louis-Dreyfus has won two years in a row and is nearly a lock to win again, considering this was her best season yet. As much as I’d LOVE to see a very deserving Amy Poehler win, it just isn’t going to happen, you guys. Taylor Schilling is the only other candidate with a legit chance. And that is ONLY if Orange sweeps every single award it is up for and that rising tide pushes her boat above JLD’s. It’s not going to happen though.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Andre Braugher (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) – 2/3
Tony Hale (Veep) – 12/5
Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family) – 5/1
Ty Burrell (Modern Family) – 12/1
Fred Armisen (Portlandia) – 20/1
Adam Driver (Girls) – 50/1

Girls’s time has passed and Portlandia did a bit of creative bookwork to get Armisen a nomination, so I think we can toss them out. Modern Family has gone from four nominations down to three last year and now two, so the fatigue should rule Ferguson and Burrell out. That leaves Tony Hale and Andre Braugher. And it could really go either way. Tony Hale won last year and Veep is in an upswing with a legit chance to take the best comedy series prize. Andre Braugher is an Academy favorite (although he doesn’t have a lot of wins, he’s been nominated for virtually everything he’s been in). While I would not be disappointed in the least with Braugher winning (especially if he thanks Kwazy Kupcakes in his speech) I’m going with (you guessed it!) complacency and the better payout and taking Hale to repeat.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Allison Janney (Mom) – 1/8
Kate Mulgrew (Orange Is The New Black) – 7/2
Julie Bowen (Modern Family) – 30/1
Anna Chlumsky (Veep) – 50/1
Kate McKinnon (Saturday Night Live) – 50/1
Mayim Bialik (The Big Bang Theory) – 50/1

You know this has to be a strong field when last year’s winner Merritt Wever couldn’t, well, merit (I’m so sorry) a nomination this year. Kate McKinnon got the token SNL nomination that never wins so we can toss her out. Anna Chlumsky picked a weird submission episode which will cost her. Julie Bowen has won twice but failed last year and Modern Family doesn’t have the momentum to push her back up. Mayim Bialik has to win an Emmy for BBT before that run is over. Could this be the year? I think they’ll wait for a wedding, but I’m going to put a small wager on her just in case, because 50/1 is a sweet payout. Allison Janney has already won the Guest Actress in a Drama for her unbelievably great work on Masters of Sex, and that could be enough to push her to  the win. But, like all the other cases where I feel it is going to be close, I am going to take the odds on Mulgrew and hope she rides the Orange love to a win.

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES/MOVIE

Billy Bob Thornton (Fargo) – 2/5
Mark Ruffalo (The Normal Heart) – 3/2
Martin Freeman (Fargo) – 25/1
Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock: His Last Vow) – 50/1
Chiwetel Ejiofor (Dancing on the Edge) – 50/1
Idris Elba (Luther) – 50/1

Cumberbatch and Elba needed a bit of cheating to get in here, and I don’t see the Academy rewarding that. I don’t have any idea about Ejiofor or Dancing on the Edge, so I’m hesitant to lay money on a longshot unknown to me. That leaves Freeman and Thornton of Fargo and Ruffalo for The Normal Heart. Ruffalo has an outside chance if Freeman and Thornton split enough votes. I think Martin Freeman is more deserving due to just how vile of a character the normally extremely likeable actor was able to portray. But ultimately I think he loses out to the bigger name of his co-star Billy Bob.

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES/MOVIE

Cicely Tyson (The Trip to Bountiful) – 1/10
Jessica Lange (American Horror Story: Coven) – 9/1
Helena Bonham Carter (Burton and Taylor) – 20/1
Kristen Wiig (The Spoils of Babylon) – 20/1
Minnie Driver (Return to Zero) – 20/1
Sarah Paulson (American Horror Story: Coven) – 20/1

I don’t know anything about Cicely Tyson and her performance in The Trip to Bountiful except that it has earned near universal acclaim. Jessica Lange is an Academy favorite but I don’t think AHS was good enough this year to push her to a win. That also rules out Sarah Paulson. There’s no way the Academy “got” The Spoils of Babylon enough to give Kristen Wiig a win. Minnie Driver and Helena Bonham Carter have the name, but not the hype. Cicely Tyson it will be.

2014 Outstanding Series Emmy Nominations

With the official Emmy nominations due to be released on July 10th, I decided to come up with a dream ballot if I had a vote (using the same ballots the Emmy voters have) as well as try to guess who the Academy will nominate. I also did not include actors, actresses, or shows where I haven’t seen enough of the season up for nomination to make an informed decision (this includes Mad Men, Orange is the New Black, Hannibal, House of Cards, among others).

So without any longer of an introduction, here are the outstanding comedy and drama series awards:

Outstanding Comedy Series

My Dream Ballot

Shameless – It is *not* one of the six best comedies on tv, but it *is* one of the six best shows eligible in this category, so therefore it would make my ballot.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Once it figured out how to write for each of its characters and tone down Andy Samberg, this show really got funny by the end of the season.

Review – Have to include a show that aired the single funniest episode on tv: “Pancakes; Divorce; Pancakes”. Everything I love in a dark comedy is here.

Veep – This season was so good that I think it has a slim chance to actually unseat the Modern Family run of dominance in this category.

Silicon Valley – I felt like I should include the show that included the single best joke this tv season.

Louie – The “Very Bad Thing” from Pamela part 1 kinda put a damper on my appreciation of this show, and if Archer were eligible I’d pick it instead.

 

Also Considered

Parks and Recreation, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Broad City, Community, Trophy Wife

 
Who the Academy will pick

Modern Family
Veep
The Big Bang Theory
Louie
Girls
Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The last spot could either go to Orange is the New Black or Shameless, but the Academy does not usually go for non-glamorous ensemble shows starring mostly unknowns.

 

Outstanding Drama Series

My Dream Ballot

Breaking Bad – I suspect most award shows will have McConaughey winning best actor and Breaking Bad winning best series. I mean, it had the best tv ep OF ALL TIME!!

True Detective – Should prob be a miniseries, and the last couple eps aren’t as great as the first five, but it is absolutely one of the six best shows in this category.

The Americans – This show walks a fine line with its protagonists, but season two showed what a truly great show this can be, after season one was “only” pretty good.

Boardwalk Empire – Really benefited from moving away from Nucky as the primary lead and instead treating it as a massive ensemble. Every storyline worked, too.

Masters of Sex – The best “traditional” show to premiere last year by a mile deserves its place on this list.

Scandal – It is nearly impossible for a network series to get a nod (and if one does this year it is likely gonna be The Good Wife) but I’m a sucker for bonkers balls-out storytelling.

 

Also Considered

Game of Thrones, Orphan Black, Justified, The Bridge, Sleepy Hollow, Under the Dome (lololol jk)

 
Who the Academy will pick

Breaking Bad
True Detective
Game of Thrones
House of Cards
Downton Abbey
The Good Wife

Mad Men could also make the cut over either Downton/Cards, and you can’t forget about Homeland (sweet complacency) getting a nomination again.